Confession 34

Hello! I’m a student at Westwood HS. Rah rah Westwood Ravens. I’ve got pretty goods and tend to laugh a lot. I’m not real popular; not hated, no artistic talent or writing skill, nothing spectacular. Pretty damn normal if you ask me. Except, well, one thing. Two, really…I’m gay, first off…and I’m a murderer.
There are two standard reactions that could happen there. Well, more than two, but probably two main ones. A: “That’s nice…Gay, eh? Probably why you’re so screwed up, right?” or B: “OMG you’re the one my mother warned me about!”
Yes, I have a low opinion of humanity. So what? Shove off, as my friends would say. How can I be a murderer and live a normal life? Ha….no one knows but you, now. ‘Cause you see, I haven’t done it yet. I might not ever do it. But I’ve done it in my mind, and that makes me a murder.
You see, it’s not my fault…yes it is. I’m a civilized human being, not allowed or prone to violent outbursts. Murder in cold blood is inhumane. Does that make me less than human? Well, anyway…
I went to school today, then town. And I saw them everywhere I went! They have the same classes as me, go to the same lunch; even hang with the same people I do! They shop with us, too. I can’t lose them.
Did I mention that they live real close, too? My house, it was a mansion, but my parents split it up into apartments not long ago. My parentals rent out to people, I like most of the tenents, except them. They live on the first floor. Did I mention that I have my own apartment? My parents let me move into one of the empty riverview apartments on the 6th floor. It’s like every other apartment we own, just a kitchen and bedroom with a bathroom. Nothing fancy, but just enough. I’ve got a bed, got a couch, what more do I need?
I’ve got a few books: War and Peace, a book on the Columbine shootings, Harry Potter (the 6th book) and a few other random paperbacks. My room’s pretty bare too, just a bed (quite comfortable) and a desk. The best part of my apartment, is again, the window.
I look out the window every day and watch the river, watch the people. They’re always there, that person, watching me back. Every day I watch them after I get back from school. I wonder what it would be like to jump through the invisible barrier known as glass and wring the last bit of life from their pathetic body. They make me so disgusted with humanity, with their sticking-out bones and thin frail hair; the hollowed eyes. So so pathetic looking, I can’t stand it.
I’m not a murderer, I swear. I’m doing humanity a good deed. The earth needs to be rid of this plague, before it dies from contamination. People would thank me, eventually. After the doctors told everyone what I good thing I did, after the shrinks told everyone how brave I was, then everyone would thank me. The only problem would be when…and how. Then it hit me, the perfect time.
I was standing against the window, and the streetlamps were shining an evil glare on the glass, obscuring my view of them. They still seemed to be right there, though, right in front of me, taunting me. I couldn’t stand it any longer; they were a detriment to society and should not be allowed to live. It was time. I leapt at them, through the window. I hit the window, shattered the glass into a trillion tiny pieces. They disappeared for a moment; then reappeared below me. They were laughing at me. It was my nightmares, my hopes, my everything; all in a moment. In a second, I had reached them, standing on the pavement so far below my 6th floor window. I crashed into them and we fell back into the river just a foot away. We both fell into the cold embrace. I could see them, and myself, before we broke the water, reflected on the still-unbroken surface. In a moment, I understood. They, and I, were one and the same, and the disease; it would be gone in a moment. And it was because I was the hero, I was brave and I was the disgusting, disease-ridden creature who had taunted me every night from the window, the mirror, the hall…everywhere. I was them…and we were both gone, for the betterment of society.

…and then, it was black.